Top Ten Things to do during a job interview

1. Stand with your back to everyone, keep giggling. When the interviewer asks what is wrong, re-zip your pants.
2. Have your resume tattooed to your chest. Tear your shirt off and start pointing to it when they ask about your previous jobs. If they ask for references, bend over and ask who would like to go first.
3. Whenever they ask you a question about why you want to work for them, ask them if you could demonstrate but first ask them if they have any KY on hand.
4. Bring an air horn. Tell them whenever they ask you a question that you refuse to answer, you will sound it. When they ask you why you would need to do that, sound it. Ask for the next question.
5. Stand up before the interview and sing the national anthem. If they refuse to stand grab a chair and smash it over something screaming "don't you love your country bitch?" This could go either way so be prepared
6. Ask if they care about your criminal record. When they say "what criminal record?" distract them by throwing your shoe at the light. Tell them it's too bright in the room.
7. Pretend to fall asleep during one of the questions. When they call you on it tell them you were just testing them. At this point you will probably be asked to leave. Tell them "fuck no, you leave". Count the seconds until security arrives. If it's more than 60, you wouldn't want the job anyway. Leave and kiss someone's hand on the way out.
8. Neigh like a horse. No matter what they say. I bet you get the job.
9. Pull out your cell phone and ask if you can make a personal call. When you are reminded that you are in the middle of an interview look the person in the eye and say "no shit Sherlock, someone give this jackass a promotion". Then ask again. Chances are you won't get the job but at least you can call your mom to let her know.
10. Ask how the President of the company feels about office chairs covered in urine. When they ask what you mean ask them for the answer to the second question from the interview. Tell them it's a trade off if they want to know.